Dear Abby: My son is engaged to a girl we all love, but recently, there’s been an issue. My husband was at their house while my son’s fiancée was finishing up getting ready for their date night. (They live 10 minutes from us, and my husband has been there often since his retirement.) When she was done, she came downstairs, told my husband they were leaving and ordered my son to follow her to the car. My son said nothing at the time. This upset my husband greatly because he values time with our son, who’s our only child.
Later on, my husband and I spoke with her, saying we didn’t appreciate her attitude. She countered by saying they had a reservation and my husband rambles and is oblivious to the concept that other people don’t always have the time to engage with him. She then brought up several instances in which my husband made my son late for something. When we asked our son, we were shocked to find he agreed with her! He said he didn’t want to bring it up himself because it made him uncomfortable. My husband does like to talk, but I hardly see it as an issue.
Abby, I’m worried. I find her behavior grossly inconsiderate. I don’t want my son marrying some bossy woman who will order him around and refuses to see our side. She said she’ll speak with us about this further only if we agree to see a counselor to discuss “all our issues.” I didn’t know we HAVE issues. My son has never said anything before, but when we asked, he said he agreed with her. What do we do?
— Flabbergasted in-laws
Dear In-laws: Take a step back and stop trying to defend your husband and your son, who should have spoken up before his fiancée felt she had to. If you want a relationship with your son and his future wife, take her up on her suggestion to visit a family therapist together. If you do, it may give each of you an opportunity to air your grievances and to work out an agreement that may satisfy all of you and prevent more problems of this sort in the future.
Dear Abby: For years, I have traveled with my cousin to my two time-shares. She’s now in her mid-70s and has become grumpy and unpleasant. She complains often about various health issues, and there may be some dementia involved. I am more stoic, so I find this grating, especially during a vacation in which I want to relax. I’d really rather she not come. How do I broach this in a compassionate manner? She tends to get emotional.
— Ready for change in Texas
Dear Ready: When the subject of a vacation comes up with your cousin, tell her you realize she isn’t feeling as well as she used to and ask what her doctor is doing about it. If she says she hasn’t talked about it with a doctor, tell her you would like her to do that BEFORE you travel together, because it is clear to you that she no longer enjoys these vacations, which makes you enjoy them less.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O.Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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