Asking Eric: I’d like to gift my friends $10K without hurting their pride

Dear Eric: I grew up in a degree of poverty. Most of my friends have done “OK” financially.

All of us but one is now retired and she is hoping to retire soon at age 73. She’s continued to work as she’s worried about not having sufficient funds during retirement. The other two have to pinch pennies a bit and many decisions are made based upon cost.

I made different choices than the others and have been fortunate financially. As a result, I’m significantly better off than the others and have excess income and assets.

I’d like to make their lives easier by helping them out financially. Even $10,000 would allow the still-working one to pay off her car loan and thereby retire with a higher level of security and allow another to reduce her mortgage.

I’ve been trying to figure out a way to help them without offending their pride and making them feel the financial chasm between us. I’ve been unable to come up with a winning method.

Do you have any suggestions, or should I just let each of them figure out things on their own?

— Wanting to Be Generous

Dear Generous: First of all, would you like to be my friend, as well? My pride can certainly withstand a $10,000 gift.

Your friends’ pride can, too. They’ve already shared enough of their financial realities with you that you’re aware of some of the worries and the needs. This indicates that they see you as someone safe and trustworthy.

And they already know that you are in a more secure financial position. Speaking to the reality of the financial chasm isn’t going to make it any more real.

So, ask them directly. “I would like to pay off your car loan; would you allow me to do that?” Or “Is there an amount of money that would make your life easier? I don’t want to offend you, but I want to show you love as a friend.”

Often, we avoid discussing money with friends out of politeness or pride. But the truths of our financial situations still impact every part of our friendships, from what we can do socially to how safe we feel in the world.

Acknowledging reality and possibility with your friends may be awkward at first, but it can make everything else easier.

(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)