Dear Eric: I have a long-time friend (with benefits) from the past who is still in my life, though platonic. He lives a very comfortable life without the monetary struggles I deal with day to day.
He would like for me to move in with him and he offers a better financial situation than what I am dealing with.
However, it comes with the price of services, which I no longer desire to fulfill. I don’t want to commit to that, but I still care for him deeply. Is there another solution that would make both of us happy together?
— Benefits Negotiator
Dear Negotiator: This friendship is not a game of Plinko, and the price is not right.
He may think that his solution is innocuous, even ingenious, but your survival shouldn’t be dependent on sex, especially sex you don’t want to have anymore.
Living together is going to be complicated because he’s made part of your relationship transactional. Even if you say you’re going to keep it platonic, will he honor that or will he push that boundary?
Ask yourself whether this friendship is right for you. If you’re struggling financially, shouldn’t he help you without asking for something in return? For now, I think you’d best maintain separate houses and separate benefits plans.
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)
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