DEAR ABBY: My next-door neighbors, whom I have become close with, have three adult children. My friends admit it’s always been important for them to be their children’s friends and be the “popular” parents, enforcing no discipline/guidance ever in their children’s lives, still to this day.
The 19-year-old daughter has drug and alcohol problems and recently lost control at a friend’s house while under the influence. Her parents were called to pick her up. They called me on their way home and asked if I could help to get her under control. When they arrived, the daughter was screaming and violently beating up her mother in the back seat. She kicked out the side window of the car and was urinating everywhere. She was suicidal.
We got her out of the car, and she continued to be combative, screaming repeatedly that she wanted to die. I told them I was going to call 911 and they turned on me, telling me, “Absolutely NOT!” They just wanted help to get her inside and tie her to the furniture and let her sleep it off. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.
They dragged her by her arms on the ground into the house, where the screaming and fighting escalated. I called the police. She was transported to the hospital on a 5150, 72-hour hold. Now they are mad at me. I feel I did the right thing, especially since they chose to involve me and given what the alternative could have been. Was I wrong? Or do I need to reevaluate the friendship?
— INTERVENING IN ARIZONA
DEAR INTERVENING: By all means, reevaluate your friendship with this clueless couple, who should be thanking you. Their daughter needs far more help than her parents could provide by tying her to the furniture. She needs intervention, as well as psychological and medical treatment. You not only did nothing wrong by calling 911, you did everything right.
DEAR ABBY: I recently made plans with a friend. A couple days beforehand, when I texted her asking if we were still on, she told me she’d made other plans. She claims she forgot we had plans, but she told the other person there was nothing written in stone, so she opted to hang out with her for a special birthday dinner.
My friend admitted she wanted to spend time with the other person, which is fine, but I don’t understand her lying to me about forgetting our plans. Now I no longer trust what she says. Lying does not build relationships, and she doesn’t appear to care how I feel. I don’t know how to respond to her now because she doesn’t see why I am upset, regardless of what I say.
— CAST OFF IN MICHIGAN
DEAR CAST OFF: Stop responding to this person, who seems like more of a flake than a friend. If her company is worth it, see her when it’s convenient for YOU, and if you get a better offer don’t hesitate to jump on it — after telling her what you are doing, of course. To simply stand her up would be rude.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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