Dear Abby: My girlfriend and I broke up after six years. Both of us have children from marriages that ended seven years ago. We reached a point a year and a half ago and started looking for a house together. After realizing we couldn’t afford what she wanted in a home for our blended family, our relationship became strained. The last year has been our worst.
As she suffered through job loss and other outside forces affecting her mental health, I tried to offer her more support, but she felt suffocated. I am sometimes too intense trying to find solutions, even when she says she needs space. I have not kept up my end of giving her space.
We have had the best connection of our lives, so seeing her in pain has me distraught. She says she isn’t able to give what I need in our relationship, while I have strived to be a good teammate in her times of need. Now she says she is done because I didn’t give her space.
She is the love of my life. What do I do during this crushing and devastating time of my life?
— Dazed in North Carolina
Dear Dazed: I’m sorry things didn’t turn out better for you. You and your girlfriend have very different communication styles. She wanted to vent and be heard. You felt compelled to find solutions to her problems. When someone says they “need space,” it often means the person feels pushed or smothered. It can also mean they want to dial back the relationship or may have met someone else.
Right now, your next step should be a giant one BACKWARD. Increase your exercise schedule, spend time with friends and do not sit around alone and brooding over something you can’t change. IF the two of you manage to get together again, I urge you to get into couples counseling so this kind of heartbreak doesn’t happen again.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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