Dear Annie: I’ve experienced couples being completely tone-deaf to the single friends in their lives. Sometimes they have no interest in helping their friends find a relationship. I’m not even talking about setting someone up. I’m talking about having no interest in even going to a place where single people might be.
In my case, it resulted in dropping the friend group entirely since they wouldn’t offer to meet me somewhere single people might be. They also wouldn’t have conversations outside of marriage and kids. When asked to move the conversation to something I could contribute to, I was berated for not being happy about being single from someone who was in a string of relationships continuously for a decade.
Sometimes, it’s better to realize that not everyone has your interests in mind. They were a part of my life for a long time, and now they don’t feel like a part of it. Should I try to keep these friendships or move on and find new friends?
— Kicked to the Curb
Dear Kicked: I’m not sure you were kicked to the curb so much as redirected by the time of life that your friends are in. Have you tried to tell them that you feel sad for not being in a relationship and that you would like their help as friends? They could be your married wingmen.
It sounds like they are making you feel left out of the relationship world, and no one likes to feel left out. Just tell them you don’t want to talk about their relationships. Your letter does come across as a little bitter. Not being in a relationship does not have to be a permanent thing. You sound like you want to go out and mingle with other singles.
Try to find friends who are single and with whom you have more in common at this season of your life. Nothing is forever, so you might come back to your “relationship friends.”
Dear Annie: I am a 34-year-old single mother. Last year, I was offered a job at a hospital for a good service position. I passed my background check but failed the drug screening because I tested positive for THC. I only consumed it one time, and I told that to the hiring manager, but she said that they have a no-tolerance policy.
I was crushed after I withdrew my application. For years I have been trying to better my life, not only for me but for my 13-year-old daughter. I was wondering if you can give me advice on the entire situation. I have been clean since November. It was a one-time thing and a horrible mistake. I was wondering if I should reapply for the same position. I even took a course online and got my food aid certificate, which would help me get this job back.
— Lost Out on a Good Opportunity
Dear Lost Out: All is not lost. In fact, it is better than ever because you are clean and sober. If you struggle with substance abuse, you can find support in groups like Narcotics Anonymous. You absolutely should reapply for that job and for a few other jobs if you find them available.
“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.
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