Dear Abby: I have been with my partner, “Hank,” for 25 years, but although he is legally separated, he is still married. We have lived together for 24 of these 25 years. He has two adult children with his wife. I used to be married and have two adult children with my ex-husband. Hank and I have one child together (now an adult), as well.
Should I be concerned that he isn’t divorced? He keeps telling me he wants to, and I refuse to bug him about it because I don’t want him to think I’m nagging him. I love him and I know he loves me as well. Should I walk away after all this time, or should I nag him?
— Unsettled In Massachusetts
Dear Unsettled: I don’t think you clearly understand what the fact that Hank is still legally married means for your own future. If something should happen to him, HIS WIFE, not you, will be making all medical decisions for her husband, including whether he can have visitors. She would be entitled to evict you from the house and keep the contents if his name is on the deed. She would be the one to decide what would happen to his remains. You would be left with nothing and no legal leg to stand on.
Please discuss this with a lawyer who can give you more detail about the horror story that may lie ahead. Once you understand all the implications, discuss this with Hank, who should formally do now what he should have done a quarter of a century ago.
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