Dear Amy: I am getting married in July at the age of 54. My boyfriend and I have been together for 18 years and have no children. This is our first marriage and we just never saw any reason to get married before, but now due to some plans for our future, we know that being married will be easier for us.
We are having my sister be the officiant and we will have a brief exchange of vows with only my parents and two siblings in attendance. Later we will have a party, and everything is taking place in our backyard.
One of the nice things about getting married so late in life is the guest list sure is small! And this is perfect for us because we don’t want a huge, elaborate reception. We also don’t want people to give, or feel obligated to give, anything to us as a wedding gift. Since we’ve been together for so long, we don’t need anything.
How can I let them know that we really mean “no gifts” without it sounding like fake modesty?
Maybe it’s from watching the “Curb Your Enthusiasm” show about this topic, but I know that people say “please, no gifts” all the time and don’t mean it.
We don’t want people feeling obligated to bring a gift and I’m not sure how to convey that correctly.
Any advice would be appreciated!
– Finally Doing It
Dear Finally: Congratulations! I hope you find your later-in-life wedding and marriage wonderful in every way.
I need to offer a gentle correction: Comparing your level-headed and modest choices to the wealthy, selfish and neurotic characters in “Curb Your Enthusiasm” will take you down some pretty zany plotlines.
If you saw “no gifts, please” on a wedding invitation, would you think it was “fake modesty,” and bring a gift despite the couple’s stated request?
I don’t think you would, because your life is not scripted by Larry David.
You can use the standard: “No gifts, please: Your presence is the only gift we need,”
or you could ask your guests to participate in a local food or book drive. Wedding guests have become accustomed to charitable gifting requests from their hosts.
No matter what you state, a very few guests might bring gifts, anyway – because some people just can’t seem to bear arriving at a celebration event empty-handed.
Accept any gifts you receive with gratitude, and send a note of thanks afterward.
(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)
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