Dear Annie: I am very close to my daughter and granddaughters, even though they live in Wisconsin and I live in Mississippi. They come to visit during spring break every year, and I will go see them sometime during the year as well. My oldest granddaughter will turn 13 before summer break, and I would like to have her visit for a couple of weeks during the summer; however, my daughter keeps saying no. She is afraid and doesn’t want to be that far away from her.
However, she did let my ex-husband take her for a week to another state that was farther away than I am. She says she trusts me with her, but she keeps saying no. I told her I would drive up to get her and drive back to bring her home. I also reminded her that my siblings and I used to visit our grandparents for the entire summer every year, and back then we were put on a plane by ourselves. I was the oldest and the four of us — my three younger siblings and me — got on a plane and our grandparents would pick us up.
I am not asking her to do that. How can I get her to understand that a couple of weeks with her grandma in the summer would be very good for her? I am not asking for the whole summer. I also would love to have both granddaughters, but the youngest is 3 and I know she will not budge on her. Please help a mamaw.
— A Summer Visit
Dear Summer Visit: While it would be nice for you and your granddaughter to have some time together at your house in Mississippi, it sounds like that is not what your daughter in Wisconsin wants right now. Can’t you go spend time with them?
I know that it was different from the way you used to interact with your grandparents, but this is the way it is. Your best bet is to visit them. It’s not the location so much as the quality of time spent together. Don’t ruin what could be a lot of great quality time spent with your grandchildren, all because it is not in your house but at your daughter’s.
Dear Annie: About six months ago, a friend convinced me to let her rent my finished basement for a reasonable monthly fee. But her behavior has become a problem. Her rent is always late. She doesn’t respect boundaries; she’s not clean or respectful and can be downright nasty! I have asked her to move out, but she says she can’t find anything she can afford. We have no legal lease. What are my options?
— Lost My Peace
Dear Lost my Peace: Your home should be a place where you feel comfortable and safe. Your “friend’s” behavior is bringing about the opposite of peace. You have to be firm, tell her it is time to leave and give her a reasonable deadline, such as two weeks or 30 days at the most. This is your house, and you have every right to have who you want live there or visit you.
“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.
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